My Best Application For the Job I Didn’t Get

For those who do not know, I will share a brief contextual overview of myself. An introduction, if you will.

1. I am a writer.
2. I run my own company called Creative Blue Balls (we have a website, too, it’s just undergoing changes. Ready in September, promise!).
3. At present, I am unable to financially sustain myself from the above. Alas, unrelated jobs must be worked, bills must be paid (such is the struggle of most pursuing a creative avenue).

To that effect, for the last few months I have been working night shifts in customer service. Twelve days ago, I decided to leave that job as it was severely taking its toll on my health; night shifts are tough. My last day was eight days ago.

Since June, I have been in what has been a long four-stage application process (I realised it was two months, yesterday) for a customer service role with a start-up. The last of these stages was last week Monday, eight days ago, after I’d already quit my previous job. It involved me being interviewed by/meeting five different people, including one of the company’s VPs.

It’s important to note that my decision to leave my previous role wasn’t influenced by the application process. I was hopeful but, either way, the priority of health set the precedence.

The first stage of this application I was set a task and I found out early on — from a friend who works for the company — that the employer who had requested it described it as “the best thing he’s ever read”.

The Task

Write 500 words explaining something you think is a complex concept. There’s no set rules about what it is, or how it needs to be presented.

(The following is an extract from the email body)

So, without further adieu, please find attached below my explanation of something complex.

P.S. We agreed 500 words, but I have written 555. Can we take me breaking your 500 word rule as me taking you up on the ‘no set rules’ caveat to overrule that?

1. There is a typo in there somewhere. They didn’t notice, either.
2. Said employer — according to friend — also described it as “intelligent, witty, funny and incredibly deep. He was SUPER mega impressed.”
3. This morning, I discovered I didn’t get the job.
4. I did not get the job because, alas, experience has proven itself time and time again to be a bitch and they opted for somebody with more logistics/operational experience.
5. Not one to rest on my laurels, I thought I wouldn’t let this go to waste as I still very much need to pay my bills. So if you’re reading this, like this and are hiring, get in touch.
6. Even if you’re not hiring but did like it, share it. Somebody might read it who is hiring!

Thanks for reading.

If you enjoy reading my blogs, I’d recommend you come and see one of my films or plays. They’re even better than the blogs, or so I’ve been told. To find out when next my writing will be on show, join the Creative Blue Balls mailing list, and follow us on Twitter/like us on Facebook.

You can follow me on Twitter, too: @abeislegend